Names

Let’s face it, chronic pain sucks.    But this blog is about trying to stay positive, so what’s my spin?  If we (whoever has chronic pain) let ourselves only believe that it sucks, we’ll spiral into dark places — maybe.  So what do you do?  Reframe, rewrite, and find some good in it.

After waiting months to see a particular specialist for some of my pain, I finally found out what the odd part of my chronic pain is: a no-name situation that they’ve seen a lot before but (that no one’s, I’m assuming here, studied so there’s) no official diagnosis.  It’s benign in the sense of it’s not going to get worse or cause damage, but it’s still pain.  Every. Day.

I have been calling them my “sparks” since I had no name for it.  I try to find humor in the situation – laugh when you can (and definitely at yourself).  To borrow my dad’s joke, “well Lindsy, you’ve always had a lot of nerve.”  And now my nerves are causing me pain, so I have to chuckle every time I hear Katy Perry’s “Firework.”  Sometimes, that is how I feel (and to be completely honest, I enjoy pop music.  I strictly listened to pop while writing academic papers in school).  Sometimes, it feels like someone is throwing a party with fireworks — or at least sparklers– throughout my body.  Everyone inside is enjoying the party, and because I don’t know what kind of party or who is throwing it, I’m the only one out feeling worried about the party and when it’s going to be over and who has to clean up.

These sparks quieted with medicine and came back upon their end.  So what’s a person to do?  Take medicine again, make peace with yourself and your pain, and give it a name (since it doesn’t have one).  I have decided to say that I have sparkles.

Sparkle0002

No more sparks of pain – I’m reimagining it as a glitterbomb going off inside myself that no one else can see.  I sparkle on the inside.  It’s special.  And maybe I will try to memorize all the lyrics to Katy Perry’s song now that I finally got invited to my body’s party.  I’m celebrating life by sparkling now.  Maybe for the next few months or maybe for a year.  We’ll see.  I’m not sure how long the party will last but at least I’m invited and at least they’re giving me some control over the guest list and decor.

What’s your chronic, acute, emotional, spiritual pain’s name?  How have you found control in something beyond your control?  And, of course, does anyone else sparkle?

 

 

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