I’m trying to find some peace.
I recognize that there’s not an end-all-be-all way to find it, and that the peace may pass. I’ll be off in a new direction trying to find it again somehow. Things change, people change, and I change, too.
Instead of chasing after peace like it’s an object to be found, look inward. It’s in there. Maybe it’s hiding behind lingering emotions or simply tucked away between stubbornness and compassion. Like when you have too many books on a shelf, but you squeezed in one more and now it’s difficult to remove any. Maybe there’s too much going on inside, and you just need to figure out what to remove and reflect on to make a little more room for peace.
I have a complicated relationship with peace lily plants. They’re supposed to be great for cleaning the air of a home and they don’t need full light. I’ve killed two before any flower even budded. One small one and one very large one. I thought I was done with these plants. I gave up until a friend of mine gave me one from her home. It was healthy but in need of some water for the brown tips on the leaves, but there were no flowers in sight. So, I’ve watered it, and put it on the top shelf of my plantcase (which is a bookcase of plants instead of books). As long as I didn’t kill it immediately, I was going to be okay with that.
After a few months of occasionally watering this lily, a shoot (that could flower) grew. Then another. I was excited but still anticipated somehow unintentionally killing this plant. Very recently, these shoots bloomed.
Maybe it’s not that I’m a peace lily or peace killer. We just needed a little cultivation. A little more room on a shelf.
So go ahead and try again. Make a little room for yourself. And let the peace in. You might just surprise yourself at how beautiful it is.